“We’re peaceful here, everyone keeps the peace.” I looked down at my skirt. The bench seat in the dalla-dalla was meant for two; since I was the third person, I wasn’t able to cram more than half my butt on the edge. It was about as comfortable as my conversation with the man in front of me. Brown Shirt continued and I wiggled my butt a centimeter further onto the seat.
“We’re not like those other people in East Africa, killing each other. We’re peaceful. You’ll see that.”
“Mmmhmm,” I replied, as if I were interested. I was annoyed. It was hard to keep my thoughts to myself, but I said nothing. As soon as seats became available, I made my way to the back, ending the conversation. It was pointless trying to argue a stranger out of a strong opinion, especially one who had most likely never traveled to the countries that he was referring to. Or read his nation’s history, for that matter.
Much later, I was cleaning the room. Actually, I was making piles. Bulky piles in the corner of the room, snack and coffee-filled Tupperware piles in the closet. Clothes here, cleaning supplies there. Anything outside of its pile makes me uncomfortable, for obvious reasons. Well, they’re obvious to me anyway. Like the man on the bus who annoyed me with his ethnocentrism and sweeping generalizations, I too have my own perspectives on the world. From how to organize our closet to how I interact with people, I’m convinced I’m right. There may be no basis for what I think, other than it is what I’m comfortable with. Maybe everyone is guilty of making neat little piles of the world.
I have been learning to make piles since I was three feet tall: dirty clothes here, clean clothes there; Hispanics and whites live on those streets, and Asians and blacks live on these streets. These people are beautiful and those people are not. If you do this, God will like you, if you do that, He won’t. At first, I bumbled through the process, not knowing what goes in which piles. But eventually we all find what we are comfortable with, and more or less stick to it. Unless something forces us to reconsider the piles we make of the world.
Experiencing many different cultures during our travels in the past few years has shaken my careless notions; especially the hasty judgments about people that drive me to categorize and generalize the way that I do. For example, journeying to Kyrgyzstan, India and Africa has stretched my understanding of poverty. The poorest people would slaughter their only goat for us, or spend hours making a huge meal just for us. I was touched by the generosity of people that I thought I had come to help; even a little ashamed of my over-developed individuality and inexperience in welcoming guests in my own country.
Even my generalizations about how women are viewed outside the western world have been challenged. Through adapting to skirts instead of shorts, guarded interaction with the opposite sex, and more distinct roles, I have lived right in the middle of what I once believed was backwards and demeaning. Though women face many challenges in the non-western world, we face them everywhere. Not only that, but I am shocked to discover how anti-family and loose western women are viewed to be from the outside. I want people to understand my values, but I haven’t always been willing to at least listen to theirs. As a result of this process, I found that I have both softened and hardened. Softened because I am more interdependent on my community to protect me, and hardened because I am learning to overcome the negative messages that every culture sends to its girls and women. My mental list of what a woman is grows by the week, but my list of what a woman is not has been tossed aside.
In the last few weeks, my experiences have been nudging me again, reminding me that my old piles don’t work anymore. Maybe they never worked at all. While eating with people and learning their children’s names; walking down the strange streets day after day until they grow familiar, something happened to my lopsided, top-heavy vision of this continent: it collapsed in a heap. I’m learning all over again how to see the world, and I’m discovering that people are more like me than I once believed.
Just before leaving Burundi, we were told that most westerners like to prepare their own food. “For you to eat our food is a miracle,” insisted one of our friends after dinner. “It is a gift from God.”
Maybe our friend said it. It is a gift from God that allows us to leave the comfort of our addictive pile-making and try something a little different. It is a gift from God that helped me to recognize that the stranger on the crowded bus is actually more like me than not; I have no business writing him off, fitting him into just another pile in the corner of my mind.